


Safe in my arms

by Yamiga



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-06
Updated: 2015-04-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 12:13:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3691854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yamiga/pseuds/Yamiga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Coping with Seidou's terminal illness is a lot harder than Tatara expected.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Safe in my arms

 

That evening, just past noon the group of overly enthusiastic people departed from the hospital room. With them, they carried their happiness, smiles and over joyed chatter. Their minds were focused on other things, better things. All their sentiment and sorrow had left them the moment the walked out of the hospital room.

 

A group filled with nothing but excitement, crossed the threshold without a care in the world. Their pity was not with the deprived man, currently laying in the hospital room by himself. Their pity wasn't with the man who they'd dared to call their “friend” yet accepted his future passing like it was nothing. Their pity simply wasn't with Seidou Takizawa.

 

The four of them, Akira, Amon, Shinohara and Suzuya trailed down the hallway with mindless talks about how they planned to spend the rest of the day. Absent minded, they were unaware of the tall man who brushed past them going the opposite way, towards the hospital room.

 

Maybe, taken back by his attractive appearance, Akira threw a glance over her shoulder, but he'd turned the corner too fast for anyone to make comment of who he may've been. Within seconds, he had already stepped over the threshold leading him into the room the previous group had just left.

 

He stopped midway, just a few feet next to the bed, hovering awkwardly. He saw the skinny figure laying there with his eyes closed, and tubes inside his body. He heard the beeping of the machine causing his heart to constrict with every rhythm it produced.

 

Tatara, had seen a lot, he had killed a lot, so death should've been something he was used to by now. But this, this was simply too much.

 

“Seidou.” His voice was shy of a whisper, but still audible enough. “It's me...Tatara...”

 

There were a few seconds of silence, until Seidou began to shift a bit. He couldn't sit up, he couldn't move that much, but his eyes opened. He stared straight up at the ceiling, to weak to look ahead, but there was a pained smile that formed on his lips.

 

“Tatara...” His voice was lower than usual, and his words were extremely drawn out, but Tatara could tell there was happiness in his tone.

 

“So you're awake then?”

 

“C...come h...here...” Somehow, Seidou lifted a hand, and motioned Tatara near him. It took all of five seconds for his hand to fall back in his lap. Tatara felt heavy with every step he took towards Seidou's bed. When he made it, he sat in the chair near the top of the bed, close enough to get a look at Seidou.

 

It was odd for Tatara to feel frightened by something so human. It was his hobby to kill people, to leave them decapitated and decimated, on the brink of death. It was normal for Aogiri to capture people, to leave them dying...to leave them malnourished, and begging for life....

 

Just as this sickness had left Seidou.

 

Tatara didn't care for the prisoners, nor for his victims, nor the food. So it was extremely odd for him to care about Seidou the way he'd care for a friend. A brother.

 

_Or a lover._

 

Seidou's hair, once full and thick was now, paper thin, his eyes, seemingly vibrant of light and happiness were now sunken, and black underneath. Skin like that of a ghost, allowed clear visibility to the veins underneath the surface. His hands, clasped together, were brittle and bony, and the IV's puncturing them, only added to that life depriving sensation. Seidou himself, looked worse than any victim Tatara had mercilessly ripped to shreds. Seidou, looked like he was on the cliff of death, simply waiting for someone to push him over.

 

“Let me guess...y...you're....wearing a suit? Not with the tie, though, correct?” Seidou giggled as much as he possibly could. “You're...al...always...dr...dressing...formal...formal...aren't....” He stopped mid sentence, and broke into a coughing frenzy.

 

Tatara took a deep breath, and nervously brought a hand to rest upon Seidou's. “I only dress this way for you.” He commented. “You know that.”

 

“I wish...I...co...could s...see...you.” As best as he could, Seidou tried to grab on to Tatara's fingers, but he failed of course. “B..but, this is...isn't...that bad...being...sick...isn't....that bad.”

 

Tatara tried to keep calm. “It's not bad for someone like you. You're an idiot...but you're a fighter.” There was heavy sentiment in his voice, and Seidou heard it as well. His smile, had faltered and his eyes had closed.

 

“I guess....” He managed. “But I..I...can't fight...forever...” His frown had grown. “I...I'm...sorry...Tat...Tatara...for starting...a relationship...with...you...”

 

“I'm not.” Tatara spoke. “I'm sorry I can't help you anymore_”

 

“Y...you're...l...love...is...enough...” Seidou's smile slowly returned. “I...I guess...I'm...j...just...sad...that..you'll be so...lonely...” He paused for a while, considering what he was about to say next. “But, y...you had...company before me...”

 

“Company, right. But I've never had anyone, make me feel the way you've made me feel...I've never had a _human,_ make me feel this way, nor a ghoul.” Tatara chuckled.

 

“S..so, humans aren't....as...bad...as you..think...”

 

“You're not bad. Humans have still earned my negative opinion.” Tatara's voice temporarily retained its usual tone.

 

“S...sorry Tatara...” Seidou realized he'd nearly crossed the line.

 

“I'm not angry. It's just a little hard. This is hard.” _Especially for someone like me._ “I'm not used to...losing people.”

“I...I...won't...be...lo...lost...completely. I...I'll be w...with...y_”

 

“That's different.” Tatara wasn't ready for one of Seidou's philosophical or religious talks. He was looking at plain and sheer reality. Seidou was sick...he was dying...he didn't have that much time left. Perhaps the thing that was irking Tatara the most, was how easily everyone seemed to accept Seidou's coming death.

 

Tatara just couldn't accept it. He couldn't fathom the fact that his outspoken, sometimes over flustered, and more than often, insecure Seidou would be gone. Just like that. He, a ghoul of power and control, couldn't even save the life of a mere human.

 

But everyone seemed to accept it so easily anyway.

 

His “friends” had. They'd left the hospital room without a care in the world.

Houji, had, it seemed like. He'd visited every so often, when Tatara would spy. But as of recent, Houji had gotten a new partner. Seidou didn't know that.

Michie and Seina were in shock, but they were growing closer to acceptance.

 

Seidou himself...well, it seemed as if he...

 

“Tatara...” His calm voice broke through the internal disarray.

 

“Seidou?”

 

“I...I...know that...I...s...seem...happy but,” He took a deep breath. “...I don't want to die...not yet...I...I...feel...like my life...just went...b...by...” Tatara could hear the involuntary crack in Seidou's voice, as if he was trying to stay strong. But eventually, tears streamed from his eyes, and began to stain his thin cheeks. “I'm...I'm...so...scared! It's...it's...not fair...why...does everyone get to live...but I have to die?”

 

Seidou lightly trembled, as Tatara sat there, still holding his hand. He was never one to break the mask that he upheld, but now, seeing the one he loved the most, completely lose himself, almost threatened a few cracks. Tatara wasn't used to this. He wasn't used to the crying of someone as innocent and as delicate as Seidou, he wasn't used to his heart feeling so out of control for a human.

 

But reality was hitting, and he figured out the hard way. And before he knew it, tears began to stream down his own cheeks. His head eventually found its way into both of his hands. He wasn't exactly crying. Tearing up, yes, but crying, no. He was simply trembling in disbelief.

 

_Damn it! Damn it! DAMN IT!_

 

“Don't you cry too, silly.” Seidou's voice had strengthened, and he'd stopped crying for the most part. “It's not...l..like you...to cry...over..s..someone...”

 

Tatara stopped suddenly and brought his head up.

 

“...St...stay...strong...for me....okay? Please...take...care of...y...yourself...and remember...n...not all...humans are...bad...” Seidou paused. “A...and move on...ok...okay...Don't...stay stuck on something...stupid...like me...Thank...thank...you for everything...but, it's...over...now...”

 

“Seidou_”

 

“A...and...when...y...you....leave today...don't...come back...” Seidou chuckled. “I..want...you...to remember me...smiling...okay?”

 

Silence.

 

“Tatara...promise me...”

 

Silence. A sigh. And a chair shifting as Tatara stood.

 

“I...I promise Seidou. And...thank you.” Nervously, he bent down and placed his lips upon the former investigator's forehead. “Goodnight Seidou.”

OoOoOoOoOo

 

Things were no better the days following Seidou's death.

 

Tatara attempted to go on his normal life, but things, even killing humans, seemed more and more difficult. He knew Seidou had died, and he knew he was out of pain, but Tatara couldn't bring himself to be happy about that, at all.

 

He felt like a failure.

 

He didn't deserve Seidou during the last moments of his life.

 

He should've been able to save Seidou.

 

_You're useless...you're weak...just like you were when Yan and Fei died..._

 

That day, when that thought crept into his head, he was looking at himself in the mirror. He'd punched the glass in a rage, not wanting to see his despicable reflection and the shards went falling, crashing into small, unrecoverable pieces.

 

He'd hear Eto in the background, asking if he was okay. Her voice was as bubbly as always, as if she had something worth while to say.

 

“Mr. Tatara...” She cooed. “We can save Mr. Takizawa if you'd let us.”

 

OoOoOoOoOoO

 

Seidou was afraid to die until he became death...until he died. It wasn't painful, like he supposed, but very calm. His eyelids fluttered closed, and before he knew it he was asleep.

 

Drifting...drifting...drifting....

 

But something seemed wrong. Something seemed very wrong.

 

For days it seemed like, he was rested and at peace. But now, things started to change. He grew colder, and colder, hungrier and hungrier...

 

_But how can I feel anything if I'm..._

 

“Mr. Takizawa?”

 

His eyes shot open right before he quickly sat up. He looked around the room he currently resided in. It certainly wasn't a hospital, but it seemed very much like a bedroom. He was currently sitting on the bed.

 

“You're awake?”

 

The voice originated from the corner of the room, where Seidou of course turned to face. He nearly lost his breath when he saw a small girl, wrapped in bandages and wearing a red hood, standing there. She looked like a little mummy.

 

“Who...who are...you?”

 

“You'll figure that out soon. Mr. Takizawa.” She giggled. “You should feel better now, by the way. It should feel wonderful, to be alive.”

 

_Wait? I'm alive...but how?_ Instinctively, Seidou crawled out of the bed and stood wobbly to his feet. The wall across from the bed housed a dresser with a mirror on it. He was quick to run over to it, but regretted it, as he saw his own rather morbid reflection in the mirror. 

 

Big, scary black cloak, long, overgrown white hair, large sunken eyes, black lips...pale, glossy skin...

 

_Did I freeze? Did I drown?_

 

He was prepared to scream, to beg the little mummy for answers...but something caught his tongue. The door to the room opened quickly, and Seidou jumped and turned to face the visitor. He didn't want to be surprised any more than he already, after all, the shock of surviving his illness was a surprise in itself. However, when Seidou saw the familiar ghoul pass through the threshold, and stand with an apologetic look on his face, feet away from where he himself stood, a sympathetic smile plagued his lips.

 

By just looking at the look on Tatara's face, Seidou got an itch of what happened to him, and how he had gotten to his current state, how he had survived.

 

“Silly...” Seidou began his heart-wrenching walk towards Tatara. “You just couldn't let me go, could you?”

 

“I_”

 

Tatara was silenced when Seidou pulled him into a hug. Stronger than usual, it was easier for Seidou to embrace Tatara now than before.

 

“It's fine Tatara...we'll talk about it later.” Seidou mumbled into Tatara's cloaked chest. “It's fine...”

 

And Seidou couldn't hold back his agitated smile when Tatara slowly moved his arms to hug him back.

 

_You idiot..._ He thought, before melting into the embrace he'd longed for.

 


End file.
